Sometimes it takes me a couple days to figure out what I want to say, and how I want to say it. Especially when things are tough and I don't know just how I can put into words how hard it is.
Last Thursday, Mr. M got his 4-month immunizations. Yes, he's almost 6 months but because he was still in the hospital plus still on IV antibiotics and blood thinners and yadda yadda yadda, we decided to delay his immunizations to give his body a wee bit of a break.
I digress.
He got his shots, and was totally fine with them that day. We went to my parents afterwards because Miss O has dancing on Thursdays, and my parents look after Mr. M so that I can be at the studio should she need me. He was normal and in a good mood.
Friday morning, I took the kids grocery shopping. Had Mr. M in the carrier, Miss O in the cart, and all was fine and dandy until we got home. Then he started screaming and crying and not eating and just being a fuss pot. He did fall asleep around his normal time, but it was a fitful sleep. And I knew he was hungry, but he just wouldn't eat. I was getting extremely overwhelmed just dealing with him, and then Miss O decided she was going to pipe in every 5 minutes that she was hungry. At some point Mr. M was screaming and Miss O was crying and I just couldn't take it. I screamed myself. Which really wasn't a good idea because that scared Mr. O and made his crying worse, plus Miss O thought it was all her fault.... yeah. So the entire day, and night, Mr. M was miserable. I told T that he was on night duty, and that Miss O and I were going to be gone the next day (Saturday) so he and Mr. M could have a day to themselves.
All was fine and dandy, until about 3:30pm when T messages me saying that Mr. M won't stop crying and that he won't even finish a bottle. He was worried that Mr. M was getting dehydrated and thought he might have to take the little dude to the hospital. So I'm worried the entire drive home, driving as fast as I feel the law will allow. We get home, and Mr. M is sleeping. T says that he messaged me afterwards that we could have stayed at my parents for supper but as I was driving, I didn't get the message. Thankfully, that night Mr. M slept straight through the night. And Sunday was much better for eating and not being as irritable.
Selfishly, I don't want to put myself through these immunizations again because when I've got two kids being incredibly demanding of me, it's really hard to keep myself in check. But I know that we need to keep on top of this because that's just what we do. We're going to go through this all again in November when Mr. M gets his 6 month shots, plus his flu shot AND Miss O will get her flu shot. Gluttons for punishment I guess.
Other highlights of this week, though, have been few and far between now that I think about it. I really need to pick up a hobby or something! We've had some serious discussions (we being T and I) about when/if I go back to work. With my former position only being casual, not to mention within a union, even if they opened the job up again there's no guarantee that I would get it. That is, unless they kept it casual and then they could pick whoever they want. But that's neither here nor there. We don't know when a good time for me to go work would be, simply because of Mr. M and his doctors appointments and surgery and antibiotics and special care... Financially we could certainly swing living on one salary, but could I do so and keep my sanity in check? I guess we'll see once Mr. M gets a little bit bigger. Plus next year Miss O will be going to preschool... ugh. On one hand, I'm incredibly grateful that we do actually have the choice between me staying home or going back to work. There are a lot of families or instances where there's no choice. But that's what makes it all the more difficult. We would also need to crunch numbers to see if it would, financially, make sense for me to go back to work. Daycare costs for 2 kids plus extra gas, potentially parking if I'm working downtown again, purchasing work appropriate clothing... not to mention the idea of getting both kids up and ready and myself up and ready and everyone out the door by 715 so I would potentially be at work for 8 just hurts my everything.
It's too late for my brain to work like this. I'll give it some more thought in the morning.
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