Unpretty

I have this annual tradition (is that even the right phrase? I feel like annual tradition is kind of redundant) where I get my hair done on July 1st - Canada Day, for those who don't know - because the salon is usually not as busy and my husband is home to watch the kid.

I didn't do that this year.

I tried to convince myself that the reason I didn't book the appointment was because we couldn't afford it (partially true), or that I didn't need it (again, partially true), or that I should wait until after the postpartum hair loss has finished so that I don't spend all this money on a hair cut only for it to look like shit once I lose a bunch of hair... but in all honesty, the reason that I didn't book the appointment was because I didn't feel like I was worth it.

Somehow, over the past 3 months, I've lost my sense of self. I went from wearing makeup and nice clothes every day (for work, of course, but still) to trying to decide which drapey shirt I would wear along with which set of leggings and what giant underwear I would pair it with. Oh, and which nursing bra - even though I'm not nursing anymore - I would wear because real bras are garbage.

What happened to me? I love being a girl. I've got a drawer full of fancy brand cosmetics, hair products, and various styling tools. I have a closet jammed full of gorgeous clothes... and here I am, frumping myself up and letting my unmade face be seen in public way more than it logically should.

It's because I just don't feel like myself yet. I mean, I'm getting there. And it's an adjustment being at home because I don't need to get myself all done up and T likes to tell me that he likes it better when I'm not wearing makeup or doing my hair. But that honestly can't be true. I really wish that he would be honest with me about appearance stuff for once, instead of just saying that he thinks I want to hear.

How on earth did this turn into me throwing him under the bus...