Envy and Other Emotions

Lately, I've been finding myself envious of single people. It kind of hit me at the weirdest time - I was sitting at a traffic light, both kids in the car with me, and the driver in front of me was a solo woman, putting her hair up as we waited for the light to change. All of a sudden I was like "I wish that I could have my own vehicle by myself. And that I could be free to leave the house and drive whenever I wanted to". And I've had these feelings a lot more, too. Maybe it's because the group of friends that I have been hanging out with lately are ones with minimal commitments - as in they're dating, only a couple own houses, etc - and they're free to hang out whenever they want. Weeknights and all.

It's not that I don't love my husband or my kids... it's more that I wish I had more independence and the opportunity to be independent. I wish I could just go on a shopping trip by myself or even run to the post office... but nope. I've got the two life-suckers that I have to bring with me.

I've been wondering, too, if I'm dealing with normal emotional ups and downs or if my medication needs to be increased. I'm at 50mg once daily right now (started at 25mg once daily) and I'm feeling a lot more frustrated with my kids and life now than I was before. It's the kids that are getting me down, as they are usually demanding things of me at the same time although I'm 90% sure that Miss O is doing it on purpose and waiting until Mr. M is settling/fussing before she starts asking for snacks or drinks or attention in general. I've also had times of sadness for no explicable reason, but I make sure that I mention it to T so that he knows that I'm feeling off. His first response has been "Have you been taking your meds?". I also find that I've got a mild case of apathy towards my fitness and weight loss, although my muscles and joints are really wishing I would exercise at least a little bit. But I just don't care. I mean, one part of my brain cares that I don't have any clothes that fit and that I mildly resemble a potato crossed with a hippo, but the other part just tells me to go to bed and read myself to sleep. I might try to do some of those Bikini Body Mommy workouts, as they're short and sweet, and I've gotten the go-ahead from a physical therapist friend to do abdomen workouts (I was avoiding because of the c-section).

I'm tired of my own whining so I'm going to stop blabbing now.