Sad

I'm kind of depressed again today, and I don't know if it's just the weight of everything finally crashing down on me or if I need to up my meds again. Or maybe it's just being tired.

We have so many appointments and things to do, people to see and things to just think about, with all of M's health issues that it's kind of overwhelming. And the worst part is that I am quite literally on my own for getting it done, as T needs to be at work after missing all that time. I really want to ask him if he can take the morning off on the day of M's follow-up MRI, but I don't know how I can ask that of him when I really don't need him there AND he did the first one all by himself (as I was at home sleeping or something). Trying to get to the hospital with two kids is just exhausting. I took them both on Monday as a follow-up blood test was required to determine of the blood thinner level needs to be adjusted, and of course they both fell asleep an hour before we were supposed to leave. When I woke up Miss O, she was just a grumpy butt (understandable), and then when we finally got the hospital, she started pitching a fit because I forgot her seat for the stroller at home and she had to walk. I honestly thought that she would WANT to walk, but nope. Mom fail.

Did I mention that my day had started at 350am because M has been a pooping machine and somehow managed to poop in his sleep so he woke up with a diaper full of it?

So last night I went to bed moderately early, and T was nice enough to sleep upstairs with M so that I could get some solid hours in. The downside of T doing this (and he does this about once a week) is that it almost seems like he thinks it's a trade off to get out of doing something. Dishes, for example. Or cleaning of any kind. Yes, I appreciate getting the extra hours of sleep in especially because Miss O is apparently done with napping and doesn't think that M needs them either. But I can't be solely responsible for both kids PLUS all of the housework during the day, right? I'm not out of line to expect some sort of 60/40 split when it comes to household chores?

I don't know, maybe I am out of line. I'm the one on maternity leave whereas he's the one working long hours. But that's just his job. If he didn't take the overnights with M sometimes, he would see him for an hour or two a day tops.

I guess I should probably talk to T about this before it spirals out of control. My meds are doing good at keeping the OCD and anxiety at bay, but I feel this creeping bit of depression that just won't go away. I know that it's linked to my hangups on physical appearance, but I feel like I can't get out and exercise because I'm constantly worried about M. It seemed like he got sick after being outside for long periods of time, and even though we know that's NOT the case (the stage 5 VUR is), it's still in the back of my mind that maybe it is linked somehow. But I can tell that Miss O needs to get outside and play, and I KNOW that I need to get some fresh air and vitamin D... Maybe I'll just suck it up one of these days and go out for a small walk. Not the 5 mile ones that we were going on before, but maybe a nice 2.5.