Today I've come to the realization that I am disappointed in myself. I'm boring. There's no pussyfooting around that. But I did that to myself. I'm the one who chose to not get involved in anything, or to take up a hobby and stick to it. I have all of these huge goals like writing a novel (can't even get the first page written), finishing a couple baby blankets via crocheting (haven't even finished Miss O's yet... and she's 3.5!), getting into shape (kind of gave up for the entire month of August, but I feel like M being sick is a good enough excuse for that one)... And none of these things are actually interesting.
I just don't have anything interesting to say, or do. I feel like being a mom has taken over my entire life (which is obviously has), but I've left no room for myself. I've shoved all of the concerns about my own well-being to the side, and have focused on my kids. I know this is a normal mom thing, but Jesus it is depressing! Knowing that I identify first as a wife, then as a mother, and then as Paige is just... disheartening. Where did I go?
I'm hoping that once we get into a good routine with both kids at home and pray to fucking God that M stays healthy(ish) I can take some time to discover who I am aside from wife and mother. And hopefully it doesn't cost a lot of money.
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